Don't Take Chances With Children

By Mary Barker
Monterey County Herald
January 28, 1999
Monterey, CA

It's like killing a fly with a bazooka.

That was one parent's assessment following last Friday's closure of the Deseret Montessori schools in Prunedale and Monterey because of allegations that a man at the Monterey center improperly touched a number of children in his care.

A fly with a bazooka? Sure, 80 or so little ones don't have a place to go now during the day and parents are wrestling with career commitments, unexpected daycare arrangements and -- probably the most significant -- the possibility that someone they trusted completely may have violated that arrangement unequivocally. There's nothing easy about any of that.

Beepers going off, baby sitters to pay and, of course, the potential for tremendous parental guilt if the accusation is substantiated. But if I had a child in one of these schools and the state Department of Social Services needed to kill a carpet mite with a hand grenade to get to the bottom of it, well, let them at it.

This isn't a matter of unwavering belief in one man's innocence or even a question of daily convenience. This is the chance -- even if it's the off-chance -- that someone sexually abused your 3-to-6-year old. This isn't one confused child being misinterpreted, either, about one innocent sleepover, and then mass hysteria setting in.

There are seven children, numerous incidents and several years involved here. Enough information and concern to prompt Social Services officials not to simply remove the man in question, but to shut down both schools. Regardless of your possible ire for governmental agencies and their "Big Brother" bravado, they don't go in and do that sort of thing willy-nilly. "We have to have pretty solid evidence," said Karen Perkins, a spokeswoman with the state department.

And, again -- even if there is the smallest likelihood they are right -- do you know what could happen to a child of this age who is touched in the wrong ways by an adult at school?

"One of the real, real big issues that comes up for this kind of abuse is trust with authority figures," said Stephen Braveman, Monterey Marriage and Family Therapist. "It can really ruin a child's motivation to go to school. It can lead a child who's maybe even gifted to wind up feeling so guilty. They think it's their fault. When you mix messages of abuse with messages of education, these children can end up becoming dropouts, end up not reaching their potential, sabotaging their education."

It doesn't have to turn out that way. Early intervention and clear messages to the children that they are victims virtually can eliminate, or at least substantially minimize, long-term effects.

Now, all of this is assuming someone did something in Monterey. There's also the possibility that nothing happened at Deseret and an innocent man has been falsely accused. But wouldn't you want to know for sure before you sent your 3-year-old back to that school?