Let Me Count The Ways: Discovering Great Sex Without Intercourse

By: Marty Klein, Ph.D. and Riki Robbins, Ph.D.

Review by Stephen L. Braveman, LMFT, DST

(This review originally appeared in the March/April California Therapist)

Have you ever found yourself stuck trying to explain to couples complaining of a lack of sex in their relationship why you're now recommending they stop having sex for two months? Do you find yourself colluding with clients who desperately want to "fix" an erection and/or lubrication problems so they can have the "right" and/or "normal" kind of sex life every one else is having? Do you, yourself, question what is "normal" sex, who and where it was decided that this will be "normal" and where we, as a species, are heading sexually?

If you can answer yes to any of these questions, then Let Me Count The Ways: Discovering Great Sex Without Intercourse is the right book for you.

The authors of this new book (release date March, 1999) are Sex Therapist and MFCC, Marty Klein, Ph.D. and Clinical Sexologist and relationship expert, Riki Robbins, Ph.D. Marty has been honored for his many books on sexuality by both CAMFT and the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality. Many of his articles have appeared in New Woman, Playboy, McCall's, Parents and Modern Bride magazines and he has been a frequent guest on television programs such as the Oprah Winfrey Show. Riki has authored the Empowered Woman, Negotiating Love, and Betrayed: How to restore Sexual Trust. She holds a certificate in clinical sexology from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, has years of experience conducting seminars throughout the country and now consults in Berkeley, California.

Utilizing discourse, case examples and suggested exercises, Klein and Robbins challenge the reader's beliefs about what is considered "normal" and "right" sex. They provide an excellent overview of human sexual evolution and how it has lead the current American public to hold sustained intercourse, ejaculation and orgasm as the ultimate goals in each and every sexual encounter.

The reader learns how this focus leads to, and strongly maintains, what most consider sexual "dysfunction's." The authors encourage substituting "failure" for success by changing the goals of sex to one in which participants seek to enjoy each other's company and closeness.

The change of goals decisively leads to an abandonment of sexual "rules." The authors state that without rules and clear socially determined goals, lovers are forced to communicate their needs and desires in ways they may never have considered before. The increased communication leads to an increase of true intimacy through verbal sharing and sensate focused touch.

Clients may be urged to take an "intercourse sabbatical" and focus on "outercourse" (other sexual possibilities) as a way to achieve this new intimacy. Klein and Robbins also include a look into the future for humans as the species faces new challenges to sexual expression and enjoyment; such as ways of coping with decreased personal time, decreased need to procreate and increased desire for sex as a recreational activity.

Let Me Count The Ways: Discovering Great Sex Without Intercourse is an easy reading book. The clinician, beginning practice or well-seasoned in addressing sexual concerns, will discover ways to immediately put the author's thoughts and techniques to use with their clients. Clients will find a lack of psychological jargon; thus enabling them to both easily grasp the helpful concepts they read about and be better prepared to participate in useful conversations about their sexual concerns and successes with you during the therapy hour.